Why I Had To Break Up With My Friend

Over the years I’ve made many friendships, I guess I’ve collected my friends along the way. From school, university, traveling and work, I’ve met some incredible people who I’ve shared amazing experiences with. I used to be the kind of person who felt that I had to be friends with everyone, but after university I had a huge clear out; I realised many of the people I associated with were just acquaintances, I’d only see them on nights out and they wouldn’t be somebody I’d confide in –  and, that’s ok. We grow, we change and move on with our lives.

This post, as you might have figured out is about how I’ve broken up with a friend. It wasn’t nasty, we’re amicable, but it had to be done. It was the best thing to do, for both of us. So, this post is all about how I realised I needed to end our friendship and how I ultimately broke up with her.

It all started about a year ago. I had an uneasy feeling around a specific friend. It really bothered me, but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was or why I was feeling awkward around her. She had been part of my life for years, but I just felt weird whenever I was in her company and it frustrated me.

Taking time out to reflect, I realised that the friendship I had with her wasn’t healthy. She put me down, lied about silly things, wasn’t particularly happy for me when I got engaged, she only got in touch with me when she wanted something and if she had a better offer she’d drop me like a hot potato.

We had a close friendship from the start and bonded immediately. We were the same age, had loads in common and had experienced many highs and lows together.

It only dawned on me this year that the relationship had changed dramatically from when it started. For me, I felt it was very one-sided. If I didn’t text to catch up or see how she was I wouldn’t hear from her for ages. On the occasions, she would strike up conversation first it was only a matter of time before I realised she’d got in touch because she wanted something. I felt used. This year, as many of you know I got engaged and when I told her the news I didn’t really feel that she was happy for me, I was gutted.

To cut a long story short, she wasn’t making me feel good about myself and comparing her to the other amazing women in my life, she didn’t come close. My friends are my everything and I’d really do anything for them, with her, I just didn’t feel like that was reciprocated. I knew things had to change and I thought long and hard about what to do. I knew I had to break up with her which made me so sad, but I knew it was the right thing to do.

Now, there isn’t a rule book about how to break up with a friend. I’d asked a few people for advice and the feedback was mixed. Many said that I should ‘ghost’ her or just let it fizzle out. This isn’t something I wanted to do. Whilst I knew we couldn’t be friends anymore, I still cared about her and definitely didn’t want to be unkind.

So, after a lot of thought, I plucked up the courage and met up with her. I knew I had to hit the issue head-on. It was the right thing to do. We talked at length about our friendship, how I felt and why things had to change. It wasn’t working for me anymore and she definitely understood where I was coming from. Yes, we could’ve agreed to make changes in our friendship and go back to normal but I felt that it had gone past that point. At the end of our conversation, we hugged and went our separate ways.

Friendships like many things in life are all about quality, not quantity. Going forward I now know to only surround myself with people who care and support me, lift me up and make me feel good about myself. I’ll except nothing less.

If you’re reading this and have gone through something similar, I feel for you. Or, if you feel like you’re currently in a toxic friendship maybe this post will give you the confidence to make some changes in your life for the better.

Becca x

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2 Comments

  1. November 13, 2018 / 5:16 pm

    I’ve lost many friends too. Some left me without saying anything and some I let go of. I felt people were on my Facebook but were not making an effort to meet in real. I grew up in Pakistan so all my old friends were there. When I saw some people visited London, I’d only know after they’d go back and put nice photos on Facebook. When I went to Pakistan no one made an effort to meet me. So I decided to delete people. It felt good. I also have a friend of 31 years like the friend you’ve mentioned but I can’t let go of her. She lives in Pakistan and we still meet up when I go there. But I feel used many times when she contacts me only when she needs a place to stay in London. In UK the only people I knew were at work. I was there for 6 years. 4 years down when I got married, my really good friend at work changed 180 degrees. I don’t know if she was jealous or what but she totally abandoned me. Since then I’ve become friend phobic. I don’t make friends anymore. I feel people will use me, leave me and go. London has been very lonely for me. I have one boy and another one is on the way but there’s no one to hang out with on weekends, or coffee dates or shopping dates. It’s hard. I have 1-2 blogger friends but they’re mostly busy in their day jobs. I’ve been a good friend to everyone but I’ve never had anyone have the same feelings towards me. Thank you for this post! I feel a bit lighter 🙂

    • Becca
      Author
      November 16, 2018 / 11:04 am

      Hi Natasha, thank you so much for sharing your story, it’s very brave to be so open about it. My key thing is having quality friends around you, ensuring that these people are positive influences on your life. It’s about surrounding yourself with the right people. Thank you again for your lovely feedback and congratulations on your pregnancy! Becca x

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